I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
