we have officially lost it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
