Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
