there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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