She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
