Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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