I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
