Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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