taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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