Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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