hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
