you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That accounts for only three of the penises
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
