you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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