Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
