i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
