If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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