THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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