i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
