Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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