Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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