do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
