made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
