marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
