There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize