oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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