whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
