apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
