What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
