hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
