I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
