i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
