R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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