i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
