I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
