a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
