420 ftw
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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