Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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