I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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