just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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