No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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