i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
