As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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