you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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