So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I am available for nakedness
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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