"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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