We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
not ubering you a puppy
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
