I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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