is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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