my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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