that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
