I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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