you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
