did you get engaged???
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
