he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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