I accidentally burped into my bong.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
