i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
