I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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