You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize