beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
