I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
