Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
