Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
