He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I lost the right to judge tonight
When are your genitals available?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
