On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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