my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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