Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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