And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wear drunk well.
Randomize