Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
