No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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