my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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