Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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