I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
