Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
