8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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