Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
