I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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